Its time for some action. It’s time to start doing.
For so long, I’ve compromised myself, changed myself to blend in. To “fit” in.
I would stop writing, or stop drawing because the people I was surrounded by didn’t get it, or I would get so busy working. Working three jobs at a time, just to get by. Ignoring my ambitions and my goals, just so I wouldn’t stand out. Even recently, I’ve hid my dreads, my desires and dreams, scared that people would think I’m weird, or that they wouldn’t like me.
No more blending. No more sitting in the corner, hiding. It’s time to start doing. Working on the dreams I have had for so long. What have I always talked about, and dreamed about?
Work and travel. Be self sustainable, self sufficient. Make money anywhere in the world.
In high school, I remember a great ambition. I wanted to be a cop. I started running, doing research, and slowly working towards that. But then, I seemed to have gotten in my own way. Listening to the variety of doubt and negative comments. I gave up the ambition. Spent my time blending, drinking with the “in” crowd, and worked up to three jobs at one time, just to get by. I would meet a guy and “fall in love”, ignoring all the red flags and things I didn’t like, just because I didn’t want to be alone.
I was scared to stand out, scared of the dark, scared of failure, scared to look people in the eye, scared to expose myself, scared to stand up. I was so afraid that people wouldn’t like me, I became the person that everybody liked. Agreeing with everyone, and rarely standing up for my own thoughts or believes. I never wanted to argue and I hated debating.
Life is short. We hear it everyday, follow your dreams! Do what you want to do! But only a few of us listen to it, only a select few follow it.
So, I’m getting out of the corner, I’m going to stand up and defy society. Defy the “normal”, or what someone else wants me to do. I’m going to simply be me. I’m going to show the world just what I’m made of.
I am no longer going to simply “fit in”.
Don’t like my dreads? Too bad, guess we’re not hanging out. Feel uncomfortable with how much passion and love I have to give? Too bad, I’m going to show you anyway. Don’t like my lifestyle? That’s OK. Go sit on your couch and be miserable while I show you how beautiful the world really is.
This brings me to an announcement. This will be my last highly emotional blog post. The last blog post trying to put the puzzle together, and figuring out my life.
I’ve spent the last eight months or so in complete solitude. Holed up on a farm on the edge of the big island. Most of the time, simply sitting. Listening to my heartbeat, and watching the rise and fall of my chest with every breath. I came to a very vivid realization.
I’m still breathing.
My X may have beat me down, kicked me while I was down, and continued for years to beat me with his harsh words and his cruel reality.
But he didn’t win.
Because I am alive.
I am still breathing.
It’s time to start acting like it. I’m turning this blog into a travel blog. It will no longer be plagued with negativity, and the cruelty of emotional abuse. Each day is a blessing. A rare one. I am healthy, I am physically fit, and am capable.
I’m going to start showing it.
So if you are reading this, I have to say a huge MAHALO! (thank-you, respect, regards, praise, admiration). It’s because of your support on here that I have found the strength to move on. To move past the chaos, and the hurt. By reading these posts, by liking and commenting, you’ve helped me to continue. Even if some posts were hard to read, or the reality of the situation too tough to comprehend, you were here with me, with every step. Without this blog, the puzzle in my mind would still be unfinished. It would still be a pile of unorganized pieces.
I’m turning this blog into a travel blog. I’m going to share with you the wonders of this world. With the blessings I get to experience, and the amazing people I get the privilege to meet.
So buckle in, and wait for the ride. Even the bad days are going to be amazing.
In other words, according to my dad, professional trucker of over 30 years, says “If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.”