i have been called too sensitive, too intense, too emotional… too much. “more then i can handle”. i usually don’t fit in wherever i am. i am awkward in groups and never know what to say. even though in my mind the words are perfect, when they come out of my mouth, they come out weird and disoriented.
for all of this, i’ve laid in my bed for hours crying in despair, wondering why. feeling doubt, lack of confidence and defeat. always wanting to be a different person, craving to be someone else. desperately needing to fit in, and be liked. i spend hours alone, wondering why no one wants to hang out with me, feeling lonely and out of place. in front of people, i shield my eyes, and shrink away to blend in with the background, trying to remain invisible.
but then, when the tears dry, and reality kicks in, i realize.
i don’t want to be anyone else, because i can’t seem to find anyone else like me. i am unique – i have a huge heart, and i wear it on my sleeve, i’m not afraid to love, or show the emotion i’m in. i’m confident, i’m strong, i have integrity, and i try my hardest everyday to be fearlessly authentic.
maybe, just maybe, i tend to stand out in a crowd of people. maybe this time i’ll stand up instead of shrinking away, i’ll look you all in the eyes, and love you no matter what.
i’ll let go of all expectation, and simply enjoy the moment.
the last five years has been nothing short of a casual stroll through what i can only assume is hell, spending most of the time curled up feeling sorry for myself, feeling like a piece of shit. but i found myself an opportunity. strength. instead of always running away, i found myself simply running, and it, has set me free. i might as well be flying, because when i run, i can’t feel my feet on the ground. for every mile, my soul sings and my heart is in the clouds. i can’t contain the smile, and suddenly, i really like who i am.
so call me too sensitive, too intense, too emotional, and too much. i’ll be too busy loving myself, racing to the top for that killer view. i’ll hug you, and love you, but i’ll leave you behind if you can’t keep up.